


Protection

by shellreads



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellreads/pseuds/shellreads
Summary: An alternate way the forging of the lock in Kingdom of Ash went down, created by my evil brain. The actual forging remains the same, but the moments leading up to it are wayyyy more angsty
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	Protection

They had not slept that night. 

They kept each other up late with roaming hands and searching mouths. Every touch burned on Aelin's skin; the feel of her mate, who had fought through hell to get her back, who had loved her despite all her faults. She wanted to imprint every inch of him in her memory, to brand him onto her soul, so that even when she was gone, she could still remember him, her mate, as she waited for him in the afterworld. She ran her hands over every inch of him, memorizing the feel of his body underneath her fingers, and reached out along their bond, storing the feeling of his heart, his soul- a small comfort in whatever the afterworld will hold for her. 

Aelin knew that Rowan was committing her to memory as well. Every thrust he made into her body held the desperation, the terror, the anguish that she knew was coursing through him. He had not given up on finding an alternative; no, Rowan never was the type to take something lying down. She had barely convinced him to stop scouring the tomes and spend the night with her. She knew he would feel like he was giving up on her, abandoning her, if he stopping researching, but she wanted him tonight, wanted to spend her last hours in the arms of the male she loved, who made her life worth living, who made dying so hard. Even as he left the table and settled into bed, she knew his mind was still whirring, straining to find something, _anything_ to alter fate. 

They moved with an intensity they had never reached before. They rolled together for hours, trying to savor every minute they would get with each other, hoping it would be enough to last for eternity. Tears fell freely on both sides, Aelin's hands grasping Rowan's back, trying to pull him into her skin, while his arms banded around her waist, trying to bind them so tightly that she could not go where he could not follow. 

While they both knew they could have continued all night, they eventually ceased, simply holding each other as sunlight slowly filled the tent. Neither of them slept, too anxious about the morning's events and too desperate not to miss a single moment with each other. With every ray of light filtering through the canvas, the tension in the room grew. Rowan's arms tightened where they were slung across her back and shoulders, holding her to him with a vise-like grip in an attempt to stave off the inevitable.

Aelin lied there as long as she could, breathing in her mate's scent, basking in the way it felt to be wrapped up in his arms, before breaking the spell. "Rowan, we have to go."

His arms squeezed her impossibly tighter. "No," he growled. It was apparent he had no intention of letting her walk out of here, of letting her walk to her death. She put her hands on his chest, trying to push herself out of his embrace, but his arms did not yield an inch. 

"Rowan, I-"

"No, Aelin. No." She had not heard him speak to her with so much venom since they were in Wendlyn, but she knew his ire stemmed from fear. She could not even find it in herself to tease him about his territorial Fae instincts. She knew if the roles were reversed, she would do whatever it took to protect Rowan from this fate. Her fate. 

Aelin was a good fighter, but there was no way she could overpower Rowan, not when he already had her restrained. She needed for him to loosen his grip, just long enough for her to slip out of bed, but her mate had a solid hundred pounds of pure muscle on her. 

She knew what she had to do. Her instincts revolted at the idea, but she knew it was her only shot at easing his grasp. She ran her hands along his arms, the corded muscle tense beneath her fingers. As her hands circled his biceps she let a fraction of her power seep through, let her hands ignite for just a moment. His arms slackened as he recoiled in shock, but she slid from his embrace before he could rectify his mistake, before he could pull her to him and never let her go, charred flesh be damned. She knew his response had been from surprise, not a reaction to the pain. He could withstand her flames, he had before, and she knew that had he anticipated her plan, had he been prepared, he would have sat and endured it. 

Rowan scrambled off of the mattress, his voice breaking as he pleaded with her, begged her not to go, to wait, to let him find some other way. She kept her back to him as she dressed quickly. Tears pricked her eyes as she pulled on an old tunic, trying to tune out the broken voice of her mate as he implored her not to leave. She could only take so much, could only hear so much of this before she would crack, before she would let Rowan take her into his arms and pretend the world was alright, that there were no more debts to pay, that she could simply love him and that could be enough. 

Aelin marched through the flaps of their tent into the growing sunlight outside, her self-control holding on by a thread. She had half a mind to put herself together for the forging; if she was going to die, she wanted to look stunning doing it. But she could hardly find the willpower to properly dress with Rowan's pleas slowly breaking apart her defenses. Their scuffle in bed had set them behind schedule anyways, and Aelin could see the rest of their group awaiting them at the break in the field as she strode towards them. 

She walked purposefully, definitively ignoring the male shouting behind her. She could feel Rowan trailing behind her, and the pain in his voice, the pain she felt down the bond, made her heart cleave in two. She was determined not to let any tears fall: she did not want her emotion to sway any of her companions, and she wanted to face the end with her head held high. She kept her eyes pinned on the clearing she approached, and had almost reached her destination when a tug on her hand spun her around. 

The agony on Rowan's face... it was unbearable. Tears were streaming down his face, his beautiful face, and Aelin grappled for any way to help him, to ease his suffering. "Please, Aelin... I can't, I can't..."

She grasped his face between her hands, and when he fell to his knees, she slid down with him. His eyes frantically scanned her face, and she found herself unable to contain her tears any longer. "Rowan..." her voice came out a whisper. He pulled her face to his, placing a desperate kiss onto her mouth. She closed her eyes and let herself melt into the kiss, seeking solace in the press of his mouth on hers. He pulled away too soon, but he tugged immediately her head under his chin, pulling her up until she was completely seated in his lap. He cradled her body against his, and she let him hold her, let him take his comfort in whatever way she could offer it. She felt more than saw the sobs rack through his chest, his arms shaking as they banded around her. 

Aelin wasn't sure how long they sat together, but she knew the group would need to get moving soon; she could not delay the inevitable any longer. She pushed herself up, his arms not letting her get very far, and adjusted until they sat face to face. She lifted her hands to brush his tears away, although fresh ones quickly moved to replace them, and then carded through his hair. His face was red and splotchy, crumpled as he was faced with the situation he had done everything in his power to evade. She set her hands on his cheeks, tugging his face up until he looked her in the eye. 

She pushed her shoulders back, feigning composure, as she steeled herself for what she was about to say. She knew Rowan would not be happy with it, but she hoped he would at least listen to her, one day. "Rowan," she said, her voice sounding stronger than she felt. "It's going to be okay." He opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off before he could say anything. "Rowan, I need you to listen to me. Things are going to get better. _You_ are going to get better." His eyes filled with horror as he violently shook his head, dismissing the idea. She simply smiled softly at him and nodded. "It may not feel like it now, but they will. I'm sure you do not believe me- you always have been a stubborn bastard- but this is something you will move past. And I- I want you to. I know that you will think that any happiness you feel after my death will somehow dishonor my memory, but it will not. No, you would dishonor my memory if you stopped living, if you shut down and never allowed yourself to find joy again. You have to let them in: Fenrys, Lorcan, Gavriel, Aedion. The others too. Dorian, Chaol, Elide, Nesryn, Yrene, all of them- our friends. You have people, Rowan, people who care for you- you are not alone." She swallowed, gripping his hands tightly between hers. "You must promise me that you will not shut them out, that you will let them help you heal. That you will let yourself heal. And perhaps, Rowan, you will one day find love again, and-"

"No." He grasped her hands so tightly she thought they might bruise. Perhaps that would be nice, to enter the afterworld with one last mark from her mate. "Aelin, you can't possibly believe-"

"She won't be your mate, no," she gave a watery laugh, "but that does not mean you cannot still love her. It will take time, no doubt, but someday, you may meet a beautiful female who you find yourself in love with. And you must know, loving her does not mean you love me any less. Do not deny yourself any chance at happiness on my account; you deserve to love again. I want you to love again. As long as it is someone who deserves you, or else I will kick your ass when we meet in the afterworld." Her attempt to lighten the mood fell flat.

He was still shaking his head, heartbreak evident in his eyes as tears from his eyes splattered across her tunic. "You are my mate, Aelin. There will never be anyone else. And there will never be any getting better. You cannot possibly believe this to be something I can recover from. You are everything to me, Fireheart. _Everything_. I cannot let you go through with this."

"There is no other way, Rowan."

"If that is true, then I will go in with you, and we will pay the debt together." His face was hard as granite, resolve etched on every line of his skin. 

Aelin's heart stuttered to a stop in her chest; she did not think she was breathing. "No." 

"I love you, Aelin. Wherever you go, I go. I will not let you face this alone, and I have no desire to live in a world without you in it."

"No, Rowan. We need as many warriors as we can get to defeat Maeve and the Valg ranks. Your power is too immense for our army to be deprived of it, especially if I will not be on the battlefield either. And after all of this, when you have won the war, I need you to lead Terrasen. The people of Terrasen have suffered for too long; you must take up the crown that is yours, and help lead our people into prosperity. I cannot leave without knowing my country is in the hands of someone who will bring joy and safety to my lands. And if that is not reason enough, the lock only calls for the life of one. I could not bear taking this burden if I knew you would be dying as well. I love you too much to let you die senselessly."

"How do you think I feel? If our roles were reversed, you would never let me go through with this."

"But they are not."

"Aelin-"

"You are right- if the roles were reversed, I would do anything to save you from this. But they are not, and I cannot do anything but fulfill the debt, and pray that it will be enough to protect my people, to protect _you_. And if the roles were reversed, you would do the exact same thing." Her voice was flinty. She could not show any weakness on this, could not let Rowan believe for a second she would allow him to kill himself with her. 

The sun was climbing up the horizon, and Aelin knew they needed to start the ritual soon if the army had any chance of reaching Terrasen's units in time. She knew it was time to say goodbye.

She cupped his cheeks in her hands again, staring into his eyes as she spoke. "Everything will be alright Rowan." She let a small smile dance across her face, showing him that she was not afraid, giving him a happy image to remember when she was gone. "I will be with you always. Here," she pressed her fingers to his temple. "And here," dragging her hand down to lay over his heart. " _And here_ ," she said down the mating bond, voice chock-full of adoration and joy and passion. He shuddered, eyes filled with desperation. "I love you, Rowan. More than I ever thought I would love anyone. You saved me. You drew me out of the darkness; you taught me how to live again. You saw every part of me and did not flinch; you loved me through all of my flaws. You know my past and have never held it against me. You gave my life purpose when I was on the brink of giving up. And I wish we had had those centuries together, wish we could have had a life together, had children, had a chance to see Terrasen flourish. But if this is all the time we get, it was more than I could have ever hoped for. I have no regrets Rowan, not one. You made my life worthwhile." She leaned her forehead against his, their tears mingling until they could not tell whose was whose. "I look forward to the eternity we will have together in the afterlife. But do not rush, Rowan- we have time. Find the joys in this life while it is here, allow yourself to enjoy the pleasures you can find with no guilt. I love you, more than you could ever imagine."

With that, she pressed her lips to his, a final farewell. It was messy and desperate and sorrowful, and when they pulled away, Aelin allowed Rowan to pull her into his arm again, allowed him to comfort himself with the feel of his mate in his arms. He sobbed into her neck, hands roving over her, clenching in the fabric of her tunic. Looking over his shoulder, she could see the distress on the faces of her comrades. The royal family of the Southern Continent looked calmer than the rest, not knowing Aelin or Rowan personally, but still looked grieved by the events they were witnessing. But the Cadre, Choal, Dorian, Elide, Nesryn... they looked devastated. She knew they were going to crack any minute, knew she had to do this now. She moved to extract herself from Rowan's lap, but his arms held her to him, yet again keeping her from her duty. 

"Rowan, you have to let me up now." Her voice sounded feeble, even to her own ears. 

"I can't, Aelin... I just can't. I don't care if I have to sit here and hold you down for the rest of our lives, but I cannot let you go through with this. Burn me all you like, I will not give way."

"Rowan..."

"I can't-" his voice broke, taking her heart down with it. "I can't do this without you. I _need_ you, Fireheart. Please." She could feel her own resolve disintegrating from the pain she was putting her mate through. But she could not afford weakness, not with all that was at stake. She knew her fire trick from this morning would not work; no, now that the element of surprise was gone, he really would endure her flames if it meant keeping her safe. 

She knew there was only one way to stop him, knew it and hated it. He may never forgive her for this, but she had no other choice.

"Fenrys, Lorcan, come here." The pure command in her voice had her mate tensing beneath her. She rarely invoked the blood oath, and she knew he would realize what she was up to quickly, knew she needed to act fast. The males approached, apprehension in their eyes, stopping a few paces away from where she and Rowan sat.

She looked at the two, remorse in her eyes. She knew they would not do this willingly, would not help her sacrifice herself or aid in Rowan's suffering, so she had to use their blood oaths. They very well may never forgive her either, but it was all she could think of. "Take Rowan back to the tent, and restrain him until this is all over." He whipped his head up, eyes filled with fear and betrayal and anguish. She could not draw upon her mate's blood oath; he would have broken it, no matter if it killed him. So she had to use the other members of the Cadre, even if it broke her heart. "Try not to hurt him, but make sure he cannot stop the ritual."

She could see the rage on both Fenrys and Lorcan's faces as they strode towards their friend, infuriated that she would make them do such a thing and yet powerless to deny her demand. Rowan was already fighting, yelling things Aelin could not hear over the cracking in her chest. The two males hauled Rowan up by his arms, even as he kicked and thrashed in their grip. He was yelling at her, _for_ her, as they started to steer him towards their tent. Her face contorted in pain as she watched their slow progression, Rowan fighting like hell to free himself, yet the two of them overpowered even his colossal strength. 

"Do not be angry with them Rowan, they have as little say in this as you do. Do not hold this against them; if you will be angry at someone, let it be me. I am sorry it has to be this way, but... we cannot avoid this Rowan. And it is probably better that you not watch." He was weeping in his friends' arms, straining to get to his mate, to save her, but he could not get free. 

"Fenrys, Lorcan, I- am very sorry to put you in this position. Neither of you has any fault in this, and you cannot hold yourself to blame for it. Fenrys, you are one of my dearest friends. You helped me through the darkest point in my life, helped me hold out hope, helped me stay sane. You have been a better friend to me than I could have possibly dreamt for myself. I love you, Fen. I hope you find happiness too, hope that you can heal from all the suffering we endured. And Lorcan, you should know I hold you to no blame for what happened with Maeve. Though you certainly are a prick, you are also an honorable man, and one who has earned my respect. But if you ever hurt Elide, I will personally wallop you from the afterworld.

"Rowan, I love you. So, so much. I hope you can forgive me, hope you can understand why I had to do this. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She watched them tug her mate away, listened as he bellowed for her and hurled threats so creative at his friends it almost made Aelin chuckle. Almost. She kept her eyes on him until he disappeared under the canvas of their tent, eyes boring into hers, lips forming her name. When he was out of sight, she allowed herself one moment of weakness, one moment of misery. She knew her friends were watching, yet she needed to release these emotions, needed the universe to see what an injustice it had bestowed. 

She gathered her strength, and pulled herself to her feet. She wiped at her face, smoothed down her hair, willed her voice into a semblance of assuredness. Then she spun around and faced her allies. "Well, let's get started then."

They all froze for a moment, doubt in their eyes. It was Elide who finally spoke up. "Aelin, I'm not sure-"

"There is no other way. The price has to be paid, either today or sometime in the near future, but it will never be less painful. There is no getting out of this. Let's just get it over with." Aelin took no pains to hide the fatigue in her voice; she was so, so tired.

Although they all looked hesitant, they helped her set up the ceremony, drawing the intricate Wyrdmarks in the dirt. It was incredibly hard for Aelin to focus as she heard Rowan's growling far behind her. He wailed for her, begged for her to stop, to wait, to reconsider. She did her best to tune him out, but her mate's voice was one she could never truly ignore.

Sooner than she anticipated, the circle was done. There was nothing left to wait for; the ritual could begin. Before Aelin stepped inside the ring, she gave her goodbyes to all of her friends. All were incredibly emotional, mostly leaving both in tears. She thanked each and every one of them for everything they had done for her, for everything they meant to her, for becoming her family. She loved them, all of them, and told them so. She thanked the royal family a little more distantly, thanked them for the aid in this war, and for their care of her friends. She took a long look at them, her friends, tears slipping down her cheeks. She had left a message for Aedion and Lysandra with Fenrys last night, although she wished she could say a proper goodbye to her cousin and best friend. She looked towards the tent, towards the shouts and pleas that had not ceased, towards the mate that she would leave behind. She snapped her eyes shut when the sounds became too hard to bear. 

Aelin took a deep breath and strode towards the ring. She would not flinch; she would not yield. She was two steps away from entering when a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She looked back at Dorian, his eyes shining with a plot, although she also saw what looked like fear. She stood silent as he gathered himself, whispering, "What if there was another way to fulfill the lock, one that would not drain your life completely?" She raised her eyebrow, and as Dorian laid out his plan, she found herself nodding. She owed it to Rowan, owed it to herself to at least try, though she knew at the first sign of failure she would take over and save her friend. She would not make any promises, but she would try.

\----------------------------------

Minutes later, when the wards circled around Aelin and Dorian, pounding footsteps drew the eyes of the bystanders. Rowan was sprinting towards his mate, face bloodied and clothes torn. They could not imagine the fight he had put up to break the hold of two ancient Fae males, especially when they were under a blood oath's order. Rowan was disheveled and distressed, sprinting as fast as he could towards Aelin, only to come up short as he came in contact with an invisible barrier, walling her and Dorian into the circle. Rowan banged on it several times, shouting his mate's name, but it was no use. She was in the thrall of the magic, unaware of what was going on in the world around her. They all exchanged glances, and Sartaq stepped forward, explaining the situation to Rowan, explaining that it was possible Aelin would not have to die, not if she and Dorian each paid half of the price. Rowan's face was puffy and red, yet Sartaq saw a glimmer of hope on the male's face. Rowan didn't bother thanking the man, desperately watching the scene before him, but Sartaq knew he was grateful, he just had larger things to worry about. Rowan knelt with his hands pressed against the wards, hoping beyond hope that this scheme would be enough to save his Fireheart.

**Author's Note:**

> this got a little intense sorryyyyyyy :/ this did not translate onto paper exactly as it was in my head, but I hope you guys still like it :) for this fic I imagine the rest of the plot following pretty much the same, so Aelin won't die and she and Rowan get to be happy !!


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